Don’t tell all

IT happened to Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, Kareena and Shahid —were they too close for comfort? Did they know too much about each other? It doesn’t pay to be secretive, but in a relationship it’s good to tell some and hide some:

Let there be mystery:
Men fall for the mystery element, so maintain it and never reveal it. Be it your beauty tips, your exboyfriend, or your sex life, let it be a secret forever. Singer Raageshwari says, “I truly believe that mystery keeps the romance alive. Don’t give him every detail about your ex-boyfriend, certain things are best left unsaid. And if he compliments you on your looks, then don’t reveal your beauty routine, just say ‘Thank you’. ”

Share, if he understands:
Women can talk about their darkest secrets, but men are a different breed. You never know whether they understand. Mind you, men can be childlike and unreasonable. Model Shefali Talwar agrees, “It’s good to be frank and honest in a relationship about your past, but make sure that your partner understands.”

Keep it relevant:
Women all over the world have this habit of spilling everything, be it sex, money or boyfriends. Anchorperson, Shivani Wazir Pasrich says, “Live in the present, there’s no need to talk about irrelevant things from your past. Make sure you’re not pouring your life out to him.” Actress Suchitra Pillai confirms, “Somethings are better unsaid, unseen and unheard for life. My husband never asked me about my past relationships. You are not trying to be secretive; certain things are irrelevant after a point, then why to discuss them.”

Be adaptable:
Adaptability is the key. Be it dieting, travelling or shopping together, try to zero in on the things that can lead to problems. Emcee Geetika Ganju says, “Be it good, bad or ugly, sharing leads to a comfort level in relationships.”

Intensity counts:
Make sure you are aware where the relationship is heading. Don’t share your stories, if uncertain about the future. Dr Advesh Sharma, psychiatrist, suggests, “If you’re unsure where your relationship is heading, then don’t talk about the past. In arranged marriages, let the relationship be built strongly before sharing everthing. In intimate relationships, it’s good to reveal everything on your own. It will hurt your partner more if he gets to know it from someone else”.